Recap from this weekend—one of my good friends got married! Her wedding was absolutely beautiful, and of course, so was she. It is always a good time when my college friends and I get together.
A little over one year ago, my husband and I were in my friend’s position—standing at the altar. I couldn’t help but reflect upon all the things I learned about being wife this past year. Wives, this one is for you. Here are the key things I learned as a newlywed during my first year of marriage:
Love him for his imperfections. I am overwhelmingly blessed to have married such an awesome, God-loving man. However, he is not perfect, and neither am I. WE are imperfect people being loved by a perfect God. If you obsess over your husband’s imperfections rather than focus on the acts of love and kindness he regularly shows you, then you’ll have a negative outlook on your marriage. Affirm your spouse’s strengths, and make allowance for his faults.
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2
Respect him. This is extremely important to men. When your husband feels disrespected, he feels unloved. Ephesians 5:33 says, “…the wife must respect her husband, “ not her perfect husband. Just because he makes mistakes doesn’t mean he deserves to be disrespected. Don’t call out his imperfections or degrade him around friends and family. Instead, speak well of him in front of others. Avoid saying, “I told you so” if he makes a mistake. When you encourage him rather than belittle him, he feels more loved, and in return he will show you the love you long for.
Listen attentively. Effective communication has two sides—listening and speaking. The Bible says we must be quick to listen and slow to speak, James 1:19. Listening requires you to be conscious of what your husband is saying. Set down your cell phone, stop watching tv, and quit scrolling through your FB feed. Yes, I know us females are great at multi-tasking, but this sends a message that you are not interested in what he is saying (even if you are).
Be slow to speak. This one is particularly hard for me; I’m more likely to disrespect my husband if I respond quickly. To avoid this, we must be slow to speak, James 1:19. Think about what you say before you blurt it out. If you disagree with him about something, refrain from allowing your emotions to create a quick, disrespectful comment. Remember who you’re speaking with, and take his thoughts, feelings, and desires into consideration.
Pray for your husband and with him. Wives, you were created to be your husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18), and one of the best ways you can help him is by praying for him. Pray for his heart, his relationship with Christ, for spiritual growth, etc. Pray with him regularly, too. Colossians 4:2 says, “Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and thankful heart.” This will strengthen your relationship as a couple and bring you together in like-mindedness, which is a threat to Satan.
Keep Christ in the center, always. This is probably the single most important advice I can give. Ecclesiastes 3:12 reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” That third strand is God. Marriages are bound to face difficulties, but if you have Christ as the foundation of your marriage, you will be able to withstand these trials. Nothing is impossible with God!
Love your husband fully (imperfections included), show him your utmost respect, and keep Christ in the center of your marriage. Strive to be A Wife of Noble Character like Solomon described in Proverbs 31:10-31. This week, I challenge you to read Proverbs 31 and start to apply it to your marriage!